Respect Where You Are On Your Journey

One thing I love to do for myself is write letters to Future Me. It has helped me realize when I’ve made progress in my life and thinking. It reminds me of difficult times and that I’ve persevered through them. I get snapshots of what my kids were like at certain ages and I’ve made sure to include more about my little precious people in my future letters to my future self. The snapshot shows me where I was on my journey and where I am now.

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Past Me and Future Me

Even before the FutureMe site came about, I loved the idea of talking to Past Me. Obviously, I cannot! But I can write a snippet for myself for the future. In this case, I wrote this 4 years ago in October. I was 4 months postpartum with my second baby and my hormones were really out of whack. I was so tired. It would be another 2 years and roughly 2 months before I’d sleep through the night.

Respect where you are in your journey. Get help if you need it. Really. If you need help, seek it out and your life will improve. I waited a little over a year before making some major changes that really helped me. These included reading some helpful books and doing some self care in the form of getting out alone every once in awhile. That meant trusting my husband to care for our two children, of which he is perfectly capable.

I’ve added a few things in brackets to carify.

Dear FutureMe,

Please stop worrying so much about everything. Please. I hope everything is okay. I don’t even know how far into the future I will send this.

Let us recap today. A is 16 months old. He says, “ducka ducka ducka,” a lot and other amusing sounds. He has a cold today. Since it is sunny and warmish (I think it was the high 60s), we went outside as much as possible. I still wear him on my back a lot [in a carrier]. He is a really affectionate and happy child.

O is a week away from being 4 months old. She coos and smiles and giggles. She also looks concerned a lot. She’s a little darling and I’m wondering if she is a little genius. She seems like she takes in everything around her so much. Today, I held her all day, pretty much, so she wouldn’t cry.

I love this little family. I am happy and sad and happy again. I’m still hormonal from being pregnant with O. Hormones suck a lot. Still waiting to hear back about the gallbladder ultrasound and my kidney function is still low. [Everything was fine, I had weird, horrible, dizzying pains maybe a half a dozen times. No problems were detected, so my best guess is that it was caused by eating oats, either because I react to them or they were contaminated with wheat. The other stuff was possibly from having babies so close together.]

first picture: is of a woman wearing glasses with her hair pulled back. There is a nerf dart with a suction cup stuck on one side of her glasses. Picture 2: the same woman, hair down and styled with a big smile. Picture three: same woman, hair pulled back, smiling with a white crater and mountain behind her. Picture four: same woman, laying down with her light brown hair laying haphazardly laying around above her head. She looks neither happy nor unhappy in this picture, though the look does lean toward melancholy. These pictures and emotions are all part of my journey.

A collection of me, all from this year. Some days are great. Some are not. If you’re having a nerf-dart-in-the-eyeball kind of day today, maybe tomorrow will be climbing-a-crater awesome. My journey includes good days and bad days.

There is hope

I hope for you, future self. I’m almost paralyzed with fear at times (having babies does that, doesn’t it?) others, I’m so bright with possibilities. I know I look back ten years, aware that girl would not understand this girl in some ways. I don’t want this to go ten years out, but maybe I can’t comprehend myself in the future. [This sentence as written doesn’t make a lot of sense. I believe I was trying to say that maybe I should send this ten years out because of how different Future Me might be from this version of Past Me.]

If we could go back in time, should we? If I went back to my teenage self [and changed something], everything would be different now. And If I went back to anytime I had one of those big, life altering moments, [and changed it], I would not be where I am now. These children of mine are my life, my focus, and more amazing than I could’ve imagined. I don’t want that to be different.

Just remember them as they are today. Sleeping beautifully here. Making new discoveries. I hope to honor and respect them always. If you are in a rut, get out of it! As mom and dad say, “this too shall pass.”

I Love You and You are beautiful (because that is worth repeating)

I love you and you are beautiful. Remember to tell the babies that, too.

Love,
Me

Future Me responds to Past Me

For the first time in a long time, I’m not feeling stuck in a rut. I’m way out of my comfort zone and mingling in and out of culture shock. It’s invigorating (for the most part). Also, because I’ve been working out, I’m filled with endorphins and I’m generally pretty happy. Even if I’m suffering from some anxiety about that thing I said yesterday. Not that it happens (except, it totally does).

I am still glad we moved to Mexico, even though there are uncomfortable times.

Respect Where You Are In Your Journey

When I read this letter from 4 months postpartum me, I was reminded that it was a difficult time in my life and continued to be for another year and a half. Yet, so much happened during that time that I really changed for the better as a person. My relationship with my husband improved by leaps and bounds. I learned to voice my wishes and concerns. He was unable to help me when I didn’t tell him what I wanted or even more importantly, what I needed. Sometimes, you need to say to your partner, “I need help.” Or saying, “I need a break and this is what I need you to do” is necessary for them to understand.

During  those crappy times, I learned to speak up and be assertive, instead of feeling like my needs weren’t valid. I don’t know where you are in your journey, but there is value even in the low points. The long nights. The longer days. You will come through to the other side. Ask for help, if you need it.

Remember, you are worthy.

Where are you on your journey? Are you in the newborn stage? Do you feel okay or are you suffering from postpartum depression? Are you in a rut?


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